everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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