Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
