I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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