what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
