I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Are we still banned from the library?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
