i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
