im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
