my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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