also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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