Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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