If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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