What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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