my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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