my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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