are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
