So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
