dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
