I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
that is very illegal...i love you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
