I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
