Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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