It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
