i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
