Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
