Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
