You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
