also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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