On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have already put on my inside pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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