My cat gives me a boner
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
