remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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