I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
