Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
