Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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