Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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