Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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