I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
