what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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