You made me cry and you don't even care
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
