one two three fourrrrnication!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
