I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
