New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your penis caused this!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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