She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He felt like a one man threesome
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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