Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
