we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
