never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
