why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I still have a little drunk in my system
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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