I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
