I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
