Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
