No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
