put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
