I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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