I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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